Don't Let Moments Slip By
Blog Prompt
I need to be more of myself. I have a weird defense mechanism - or something - that holds me back from speaking my mind or acting like my true self in public, especially in professional settings. I see our program as a professional setting, so I become more withdrawn. That doesn't mean my brain is turned off, though. In fact, I'm constantly thinking through what's happening, what my thoughts are about the topic, what I could add to a conversation, and sometimes I feel like what I have to say either isn't worth it or is somehow too-far past what we're discussing.
I'm not trying to say that I'm above the work we're doing - that's not at all what I mean, but I have a unique way of making connections and making meaning out of my experiences, and I've been told since I was in high school that sometimes it's hard for people to follow my train of thought because I make Olympian-level mental gymnastics as I learn. This means that I have a strong command over my learning style and I make lots of strong connections, but it also means others may have a tougher time understanding what I mean. Because of all this, I typically stay quiet.
I think, especially in our last session, that I am making more attempts to speak out and provide input to our conversations. I'm also a person who doesn't like to show weakness, so I'm even more quiet if I don't understand something, or if I can't find a way to connect it to my life. This brings me back to my math classes, where I didn't understand what was going on, I asked for help, and some classmates judged me for not knowing the material. I also had some math teachers who wouldn't explain the processes to me, so I never knew why we were doing what we were doing, and because I didn't know why, it was incredibly difficult for me to use the mathematical theories.
For example, when we learned the quadratic equation, I asked how mathematicians know to use that formula. What situation tells them "Hey, you need to do this now." I never got an answer. My teacher just said "They just use it." I pushed back and they kind of brushed me off and walked to a different student.
Final Conclusions
Because of my past experiences, I know I always have the "Why?" question ready to answer in my own classroom, and I encourage my students to ask me "Why is this important?" Because I always have an answer.
In my grad school program, I need to start providing more input in our discussions, and offer my unique perspectives because they do matter, even if I sometimes feel I should stay quiet.
In what ways have you been playing it “too safe” in your first two semesters of your M.Ed. journey? In what ways could you be pushing yourself more, stretching yourself beyond what’s comfortable, taking risks in your classroom to maximize your learning? Most importantly, identify what is causing you to miss opportunities by making you think “they’ll be other days”?My Thoughts
I need to be more of myself. I have a weird defense mechanism - or something - that holds me back from speaking my mind or acting like my true self in public, especially in professional settings. I see our program as a professional setting, so I become more withdrawn. That doesn't mean my brain is turned off, though. In fact, I'm constantly thinking through what's happening, what my thoughts are about the topic, what I could add to a conversation, and sometimes I feel like what I have to say either isn't worth it or is somehow too-far past what we're discussing.
I'm not trying to say that I'm above the work we're doing - that's not at all what I mean, but I have a unique way of making connections and making meaning out of my experiences, and I've been told since I was in high school that sometimes it's hard for people to follow my train of thought because I make Olympian-level mental gymnastics as I learn. This means that I have a strong command over my learning style and I make lots of strong connections, but it also means others may have a tougher time understanding what I mean. Because of all this, I typically stay quiet.
I think, especially in our last session, that I am making more attempts to speak out and provide input to our conversations. I'm also a person who doesn't like to show weakness, so I'm even more quiet if I don't understand something, or if I can't find a way to connect it to my life. This brings me back to my math classes, where I didn't understand what was going on, I asked for help, and some classmates judged me for not knowing the material. I also had some math teachers who wouldn't explain the processes to me, so I never knew why we were doing what we were doing, and because I didn't know why, it was incredibly difficult for me to use the mathematical theories.
For example, when we learned the quadratic equation, I asked how mathematicians know to use that formula. What situation tells them "Hey, you need to do this now." I never got an answer. My teacher just said "They just use it." I pushed back and they kind of brushed me off and walked to a different student.
Final Conclusions
Because of my past experiences, I know I always have the "Why?" question ready to answer in my own classroom, and I encourage my students to ask me "Why is this important?" Because I always have an answer.
In my grad school program, I need to start providing more input in our discussions, and offer my unique perspectives because they do matter, even if I sometimes feel I should stay quiet.
I can relate to pretty much everything you are saying here, Nick. The gears in my brain are always spinning during our F2F discussions, but I don't always feel that my thoughts are totally aligned with what we are talking about, so I tend to keep them to myself. I also try to have the "why?" questions in my back pocket in my classroom. I feel like the challenge involved in answering the why questions is to respond in words that a high school student would be content with. Many why questions have several answers, we just need use the one that is most relevant for that student.
ReplyDeleteI think having the "why do we do this" question is important-- there have been times that I've been asked and I've had to take a second or two to formulate a good answer.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your own thoughts, I think sometimes it's good to just say what you're thinking, even if you're still trying to wrap your thoughts around it. Sharing your thoughts can bring a different perspective for everybody, especially those who think they understand it!